Ever since I can remember, I have always loved writing. Often till the early hours of the morning, I sit quibbling away, my mind fizzing in a frenzy of thoughts and ideas. It’s a strange thing to me, even now. Like something else, another part of me, takes over as words leak out of me onto the page beneath. Something almost beyond my control, as I step outside of my shell and peel away the layers without any inhibitions. It is what it is. A place where I can let loose, and just, be. While I allow my thoughts and feelings about everything to seep out of me.
So often all I see is the plight and troubles of those around me. Everyone seems to be plagued with some sort of limiting belief or other. It frustrates me to see the most amazing and talented people, held down by the shackles of their insecurities. Held back by the demons they are afraid to confront. There are days when I walk home, wondering whether things will ever truly change, whether those chains will ever truly be broken. It is only once we vanquish our demons that are we able to welcome our angels, and make room for them to appear.
A thread from a tapestry maybe – But the majority of people in society today feel like there is something missing. That part of you which just seems hollow. Some people drown it out with the noise and laughter of friends. Or in the drunken booming beats of a flashy nightclub as they dance the night away. Some of us choose the guidance of spiritual masters or the answers offered by religion. Others lose themselves in the comfort of a lovers arms. But we are all searching, looking for that missing piece. The piece that seems to make us whole again, the piece that has no price. And when the moment arrives that we believe to have found this piece and the jigsaw is complete, we are willing to scream, shout and fight to protect that piece.
But is there really a piece missing? For whatever reason, we all put on the face and play make believe. We all have our social masks, designed to protect our fragile hearts. And protect our true selves, the person we really are underneath. Frightened, angry and scared. This veil becomes our sanctuary, our guard, our mask. We hold onto it with all our might, afraid of the reflection we may be faced with should it slip away for even a second.
But I think when you deal with this internal struggle, and start to dig inside your self and peel back the layers; when you start asking yourself questions and educate your self – The more you realise about the nature of your self. Who you really are underneath. What ignites the burning passion lying dormant inside. Which fears seize you to your very core. And as you realise more and more about the nature of yourself, the more you begin to realise. There isn’t really a piece missing. The gap, hole, void that you feel, cannot truly be sealed, covered or fixed. Rather, it is a space for your self to grow into. Just like the seed that grows into the mighty tree. It does not need to be covered externally with pretty colours or distracted with ignorance. “What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us.”
You do not need the external to deal with something that is internal. You must bring it out from within. The more you dig into the very essence of you who you are, the deeper you go, the more depth you create in your self. And by doing so, the deeper you are rooted in to your self. Until you stand tall and strong, firm like a tree, unable to be knocked down by any onslaught of wind or rain.
The past 6-9 months have been particularly exciting and insightful for me personally. I have come forward leaps and bounds from who I was only a year ago.. And today marks the start of a new journey, beginning with one small step. A journey towards the dreams and goals I have had for a long time. A journey towards writing my first book. From a very young age, I have always wanted to write my own books. I love the idea of the power of being able to move a person beyond words, even beyond their own thought and ideas, the power to push them into a new realm of thinking, inspiring my ideas and thoughts. Growing up, writing has been my sanctuary. This is something which I have kept hidden to myself for a long time. But today this changes. It may seem like a small thing to do, and this may be a small step, but it is an important one nonetheless. This blog is like a transparent window in which I will share my thoughts, my experiences and my feelings to anyone who wants to read them. And in doing so, I will be publicly exposing myself (and my writing) more honestly than ever before, a fact that even now, does make me slightly uncomfortable. It takes strength and courage to reveal our true selves to the world around us. The people around us. Our friends, our loved ones, our family. We fear they might say or not like what they see. That we ultimately might not fit into their box. But true strength is the strength to be honest and open. The more honest we are, the stronger we become. The honesty to expose yourself despite your flaws, your insecurities and your fears. So many of us spend so much time, amplifying our best qualities, advertising our great deeds so the world around us can commend our egos. Though it may be deserved praise, I think we often brush our negative qualities under the rug. Amplify our virtues on one hand as we hide our vices with the other. We avoid the inconvenient truths. Why not expose them instead? Because it is out of dealing with your weaknesses, that strength is created. There is no standard for you to fit into, you are the standard.
I don’t know where the journey ahead will take me, but I am anxious and excited to find out, as this is the beginning of something new, something fresh, and something exciting. I can feel already that this is going to be a very, very interesting year for me, and I know this is the next step in my evolution. And what better day to begin this journey, than my 21st birthday? I hope to look back in the future at today, 11.1.11, as the day it all started…
Once we let go of the strings that tie us down, the limits of our growth become endless.