What I’m going to do when I’m depressed

Do you ever have one of those days where you just feel PISSED off? Frustrated. Like every little thing is just…annoying you.

I’ve had a few of those recently. In fact I’ve had one today. I don’t know why, or how or when. And frankly, I don’t care.  But I’ve been walking around feeling it build up. Feeling like I could just snap out at any moment in frustration.

What am I frustrated by?

I’m frustrated at my lack of organisation and focus at times.

I’m wasting too much time procrastinating. I’ve got some stuff done, but let’s say my productivity is at 40%. I know I can do more… I know I can be more, in fact I know I NEED TO be more.

I’m pissed off that I’m not reading enough. Something I know is key to me progressing to greater heights.

I’m pissed off I’m living off my mum’s hard work, not earning like a spoiled little brat.

I’m frustrated that I’ve let myself get attached too easily to things, and to people. I keep catching myself checking my phone for no reason to see if I have a text/call. Why!? I need to cut that out and get focused if I really want to do what I say I do.

I’m frustrated because I have a business to run, a book to finish, studies to complete, and all this shit to do and it just never seems to end

I’m pissed off that I’m pissed off.

And top it all offf? I’m holding it all in, like we’re taught to. And putting my game face on. Why? In my first post, I said differently. And I believe that don’t I? or was that just another ego trip?

I know that honesty, being open and real are things, values that I want to become. I understand it but why am I failing to do it? It’s better to express, to let your belly hang out, to be what you want and say what you feel and think. But it’s so much harder to do it with every thought, with every action and every interaction.

So I saw this video recently which I think is really interesting. Check it out

And here’s the explanation

My goal for this year is pretty fucking simple really. To grow some balls, and be more fearless. Every time I feel fear creeping in on a decision I’m making, I’m going to shun that feeling of dread and jump way out of my comfort zone. It’s something I feel I need to work on – be bolder, and more outspoken. More honest, regardless of what other people think or say.

So I’m thinking. Maybe I should try this out for myself.

I’ve broken so many habits and moulds already. Why stop now?

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